a word from my surgeon

well, I spoke to Dr. Memsic, my surgeon. Regarding my pathology report she actually said

" I guess you will have to live happily ever after." What a thrill, after all these months of not great news, it is such a shock although not really. She didn't mention chemo or radiation and so I asked...

" don't you want to offer me chemo or radiation?"

she said NO... ! I guess the report was so good she doesn't think I need it, not that I would have done it anyway, but it is nice not to have to explain to everyone why I wasn't doing what the Dr. advised .... I got my drains out yesterday, that felt like a slippery monster with wet tentacles was pulled out of my back... (I just watched Hellboy) and I made a gasping dramatic noise ... because I imagined that monster, not because it hurt. It is so great I can't even explain. I have a scar running up the middle of my new breast with a little tape on it, I think there are stitches that will dissolve because I don't have to see the dr. for 3 months... also I haven't really looked under the tape...and the same kind about 3" long around the side on my bra line... that is where they took the muscle and "flipped it around" ( the doctor's assistant's words ) there is a dent above the breast in my chest and my armpit looks weird...everything should settle down and look pretty good in a couple months. Still, it is pretty sore but who cares? Not me.

xo

it is ALL good news

I am celebrating!

I got the results of the pathology report yesterday and I ACED it.

Here is my breakdown... they removed 700 grams of tissue and 5 lymph nodes. All the margins are clean ( no cancer cells were close to the edges ) and no cancer at all in the lymph nodes. This kind of means they got it all!

Most of the cancer was the not scary kind... DCIS. The invasive cancer was so small they could not grade it... microinvasion only, many sites all smaller than 0.1 cm.... My needle biopsy from a year ago showed DCIS about 6 cm and invasive cancer at least 2 cm.... this dissection showed no invasive cancer larger than 0.1 cm... so I think maybe something I did shrunk it... I will never know .... in the report in a comment section it says "a larger focus of carcinoma may have been present in the prior biopsy." Take that!

My big underlying fear was that they would find spreading into the lymph nodes... that would mean it could be in other places in my body. But clean nodes are the best possible things. I am so thrilled and relieved.... my mom is absolutely beaming with joy. Every time I check in with myself to see how I am doing it is such a relief and wave of happiness.... I have spent so long quietly talking myself out of fearful thoughts and dark fantasies I didn't realize what a bummer it was... and I also can't believe this whole thing might just be over, what if it is? ...I also got some good results from Dr. Reiss, my gynecologist who did a lot of blood tests and a thermogram ( heat sensitive imaging ) and he has me on a million supplements that do some really interesting things. The best news from him is that I had 0(zero) cancer stem cells in my blood. this means there are no cancer cells roaming around trying to make new colonies. Also he is balancing a lot of hormones and decreasing my inflammation. So much info, too much to write...

I haven't had a conversation with my surgeon yet but I will this weekend and I will understand it better. I am guessing they will offer me chemo because this is a reoccurance of cancer and I think that is the standard thing to do... I will not take it though, I think I can manage from here.

...Today was a funny day. Healthwise, I feel pretty great, sore but manageable, the drains are still freaking me out, not too tired, I think it takes a long time to get the anesthesia out of your system.

Old friends and new friends came by, we laughed and made juice and it was so great to just shoot the shit ...My mom and Noah brought groceries and cleaned up around here, ( with sub-par equipment I was told ) then later, just as Jack and Tanya and their 2 little boys were leaving Pepper went under the deck and got super skunked in the face...I think those boys were traumatized! the smell was mighty fierce. I couldn't believe it... My mom and Noah came right over and Noah washed her with Head and Shoulders. What a guy... really who does that? Always saves the day. He was the first one in my hospital room and the only one who rubbed my feet.

I can't believe I have a breast implant. My lovely friend Tim Tattu is coming over to check me out, he happens to be a nurse at Cedars... I bet I am doing better than the average patient, he can be the judge.

xxoo!

Terry the Flowerdoodle

-having a lovely recovery full of friends, balloons and flowers, I'm a lucky lady for sure. Thanks everyone! If anyone wants to come over and meet TERRY the flowerdoodle in person, he'll be around for a few more days. Thanks Crystal and Casey!!


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home! of course it's sweet

I got all unhooked from the IVs and that was a huge relief, not to have

drag that big thing around. Rose, my new nurse was nice but not warm at

all... I got the feeling she kept a wide gap between herself and the

patients. My mom went home and I was alone for a few hours. I didn't

know Rose was just waiting for me to say I was ready to go so I was just

killing time. I walked around the floor, tried to see the babies in the

nursery but they had the blinds closed.

Finally I asked Rose what the deal was and when I could leave...20 minutes later I was out of there..I got dressed, Sam and my mom came back and packed me up, then Elvia wheeled me downstairs and the next thing I knew I was home. Elvia was super sweet, called me darling in her chilean accent.

When I got there Ruby had made me a kale salad and I was so hungry I ate it standing up. I can do a lot of things but I have to move slowly, so taking a shower took a long time, Sam stayed and Leilani came later with dinner.

I have 3 drains that come from inside my body through tubes and drain into little squeezy bulbs. these are super annoying and kind of painful as they come right out of my side. They have to be in for a few more days...I empty them a few times a day and when the fluid collected is below a certain amount they take them out and the hole just closes up. I was very careful not to look at my scars and various openings when I took my shower and it was a challenge because my whole bathroom is mirrored. I am just not ready to see the incisions. Sam and Leilani wanted to see and they said it was pretty incredible, almost no bruising nothing looked scary at all so that is good to know, I still don't want to look.

We watched TV and Lei slept over, I am so glad to be home... I thought the hospital was pretty great but nothing compares to 1710.

xxoo

Phase 2

Last night I slept pretty well, and thismorning they took the catheter out and unhooked the IV. I've had stroll around the floor, a starbucks and breakfast from the newsroom. Dr Memsic came thismorning and basically said I was good to go home after lunch. I sneeked a peek at my breast, it looks pretty odd, very high and swollen but the dr's say it looks perfect so I will be patient and wait for things to settle.


We have just been admiring all the flowers... The hospital experience is so wierd, all the nurses that have taken care of me just come and go. I know I'll never see Liza or David again and for a day or two they were constantly in my world.


This is Liza, she's a kook.
I guess that's how it is.
Soon I'll be home with my dog and my shower and it will be the next phase.
Xxoo

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Another day

It's kind of hard to write in an organized way on this phone... But here goes ( sanz organization ) first, this one is from the waiting room yesterday...


My team!!

Leilani spent last night with me, and it was more like a series of naps because they woke me up every 2 hours to check my blood pressure. Then at 6 am began the long string of doctors and residents checking this and that most of whom I never saw again. My mom came back and brought chicken soup, homemade of course. I had a full house thisafternoon so many visitors and big gorgeous flowers.



Now I'm just showing off. Everyone was cheerful and kept me in a good mood. The doctors are very encouraging and say I'm doing great. I'm pretty sore but feeling good, I haven't really looked at myself yet. Tonight is my moms turn to sleep here... she's over on the couch reading Franny and Zooey. Thanks for all the love and support, honestly every email phonecall or text is very much appreciated. I may stay one more night but I may go home tomorrow... Either way I can't wait to get this IV out.
Xxoo



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