a word from my surgeon

well, I spoke to Dr. Memsic, my surgeon. Regarding my pathology report she actually said

" I guess you will have to live happily ever after." What a thrill, after all these months of not great news, it is such a shock although not really. She didn't mention chemo or radiation and so I asked...

" don't you want to offer me chemo or radiation?"

she said NO... ! I guess the report was so good she doesn't think I need it, not that I would have done it anyway, but it is nice not to have to explain to everyone why I wasn't doing what the Dr. advised .... I got my drains out yesterday, that felt like a slippery monster with wet tentacles was pulled out of my back... (I just watched Hellboy) and I made a gasping dramatic noise ... because I imagined that monster, not because it hurt. It is so great I can't even explain. I have a scar running up the middle of my new breast with a little tape on it, I think there are stitches that will dissolve because I don't have to see the dr. for 3 months... also I haven't really looked under the tape...and the same kind about 3" long around the side on my bra line... that is where they took the muscle and "flipped it around" ( the doctor's assistant's words ) there is a dent above the breast in my chest and my armpit looks weird...everything should settle down and look pretty good in a couple months. Still, it is pretty sore but who cares? Not me.

xo

it is ALL good news

I am celebrating!

I got the results of the pathology report yesterday and I ACED it.

Here is my breakdown... they removed 700 grams of tissue and 5 lymph nodes. All the margins are clean ( no cancer cells were close to the edges ) and no cancer at all in the lymph nodes. This kind of means they got it all!

Most of the cancer was the not scary kind... DCIS. The invasive cancer was so small they could not grade it... microinvasion only, many sites all smaller than 0.1 cm.... My needle biopsy from a year ago showed DCIS about 6 cm and invasive cancer at least 2 cm.... this dissection showed no invasive cancer larger than 0.1 cm... so I think maybe something I did shrunk it... I will never know .... in the report in a comment section it says "a larger focus of carcinoma may have been present in the prior biopsy." Take that!

My big underlying fear was that they would find spreading into the lymph nodes... that would mean it could be in other places in my body. But clean nodes are the best possible things. I am so thrilled and relieved.... my mom is absolutely beaming with joy. Every time I check in with myself to see how I am doing it is such a relief and wave of happiness.... I have spent so long quietly talking myself out of fearful thoughts and dark fantasies I didn't realize what a bummer it was... and I also can't believe this whole thing might just be over, what if it is? ...I also got some good results from Dr. Reiss, my gynecologist who did a lot of blood tests and a thermogram ( heat sensitive imaging ) and he has me on a million supplements that do some really interesting things. The best news from him is that I had 0(zero) cancer stem cells in my blood. this means there are no cancer cells roaming around trying to make new colonies. Also he is balancing a lot of hormones and decreasing my inflammation. So much info, too much to write...

I haven't had a conversation with my surgeon yet but I will this weekend and I will understand it better. I am guessing they will offer me chemo because this is a reoccurance of cancer and I think that is the standard thing to do... I will not take it though, I think I can manage from here.

...Today was a funny day. Healthwise, I feel pretty great, sore but manageable, the drains are still freaking me out, not too tired, I think it takes a long time to get the anesthesia out of your system.

Old friends and new friends came by, we laughed and made juice and it was so great to just shoot the shit ...My mom and Noah brought groceries and cleaned up around here, ( with sub-par equipment I was told ) then later, just as Jack and Tanya and their 2 little boys were leaving Pepper went under the deck and got super skunked in the face...I think those boys were traumatized! the smell was mighty fierce. I couldn't believe it... My mom and Noah came right over and Noah washed her with Head and Shoulders. What a guy... really who does that? Always saves the day. He was the first one in my hospital room and the only one who rubbed my feet.

I can't believe I have a breast implant. My lovely friend Tim Tattu is coming over to check me out, he happens to be a nurse at Cedars... I bet I am doing better than the average patient, he can be the judge.

xxoo!

Terry the Flowerdoodle

-having a lovely recovery full of friends, balloons and flowers, I'm a lucky lady for sure. Thanks everyone! If anyone wants to come over and meet TERRY the flowerdoodle in person, he'll be around for a few more days. Thanks Crystal and Casey!!


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home! of course it's sweet

I got all unhooked from the IVs and that was a huge relief, not to have

drag that big thing around. Rose, my new nurse was nice but not warm at

all... I got the feeling she kept a wide gap between herself and the

patients. My mom went home and I was alone for a few hours. I didn't

know Rose was just waiting for me to say I was ready to go so I was just

killing time. I walked around the floor, tried to see the babies in the

nursery but they had the blinds closed.

Finally I asked Rose what the deal was and when I could leave...20 minutes later I was out of there..I got dressed, Sam and my mom came back and packed me up, then Elvia wheeled me downstairs and the next thing I knew I was home. Elvia was super sweet, called me darling in her chilean accent.

When I got there Ruby had made me a kale salad and I was so hungry I ate it standing up. I can do a lot of things but I have to move slowly, so taking a shower took a long time, Sam stayed and Leilani came later with dinner.

I have 3 drains that come from inside my body through tubes and drain into little squeezy bulbs. these are super annoying and kind of painful as they come right out of my side. They have to be in for a few more days...I empty them a few times a day and when the fluid collected is below a certain amount they take them out and the hole just closes up. I was very careful not to look at my scars and various openings when I took my shower and it was a challenge because my whole bathroom is mirrored. I am just not ready to see the incisions. Sam and Leilani wanted to see and they said it was pretty incredible, almost no bruising nothing looked scary at all so that is good to know, I still don't want to look.

We watched TV and Lei slept over, I am so glad to be home... I thought the hospital was pretty great but nothing compares to 1710.

xxoo

Phase 2

Last night I slept pretty well, and thismorning they took the catheter out and unhooked the IV. I've had stroll around the floor, a starbucks and breakfast from the newsroom. Dr Memsic came thismorning and basically said I was good to go home after lunch. I sneeked a peek at my breast, it looks pretty odd, very high and swollen but the dr's say it looks perfect so I will be patient and wait for things to settle.


We have just been admiring all the flowers... The hospital experience is so wierd, all the nurses that have taken care of me just come and go. I know I'll never see Liza or David again and for a day or two they were constantly in my world.


This is Liza, she's a kook.
I guess that's how it is.
Soon I'll be home with my dog and my shower and it will be the next phase.
Xxoo

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Another day

It's kind of hard to write in an organized way on this phone... But here goes ( sanz organization ) first, this one is from the waiting room yesterday...


My team!!

Leilani spent last night with me, and it was more like a series of naps because they woke me up every 2 hours to check my blood pressure. Then at 6 am began the long string of doctors and residents checking this and that most of whom I never saw again. My mom came back and brought chicken soup, homemade of course. I had a full house thisafternoon so many visitors and big gorgeous flowers.



Now I'm just showing off. Everyone was cheerful and kept me in a good mood. The doctors are very encouraging and say I'm doing great. I'm pretty sore but feeling good, I haven't really looked at myself yet. Tonight is my moms turn to sleep here... she's over on the couch reading Franny and Zooey. Thanks for all the love and support, honestly every email phonecall or text is very much appreciated. I may stay one more night but I may go home tomorrow... Either way I can't wait to get this IV out.
Xxoo



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Yesterday...

Alright!!!! So much has happened! I got an IV , met with the doctors, everyone was in great moods including me.


It is crazy to think that 24 hours ago I was having surgery, and great to be on this side of it. Above is the lovely anesthesiologist Dr. Andrson. She made a special playlist for the week with something for everyone. I asked if any doctors request really aggressive music and she told me a lot of surgeons listen to gangster rap.... Because they are all still nerds trying to be cool.
So much happened yesterday!
Xxoo

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PTL !!

All I really want to say is Praise The Lord! It went great and it is over and I am super comfortable and pretty high and surrounded by loved ones. The operation was a great success, I have very little pain, my body is a wonderland! I got the best biggest coolest room and my family is the greatest ever. Noah just brought me a big green juice. I'm kind of super happy.


More later, but for now, thank you all for your sweet texts and emails, I woke up to so much love!!!! I love you all!!!




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Pre-op

Well this is so surreal. Here I am with Ann my pre-op nurse it smells weird, it's 6:43 am. No Valium yet, I lost my ID bracelet, my gown has no ties so it is all open in the back, they just put things on my legs that squeeze them with air so I don't get blood clots.... I was scared for a minute and now it's feeling funny, I love Ann!


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counting down

Well, the surgery is coming up so soon, Monday... 2 days away. I guess I am getting a little nervous about it now. But really not so much. the hospital admissions called me 3 times in the last 2 days, each time asking different questions. I keep waiting for that spike of crazy fear but it hasn't happened.

I will get to the hospital Monday morning at 5:15 am... go through the admissions process and go into surgery at 7:30. I Will have a meeting with both surgeons to go over details, I hope they let me have a valium so I stay relaxed.

I have the best support team possible, So many people offering to make me food and keep me company, walk the dog and visit me... I am so so grateful for all my people... I am glad too because not having love and support right now would be a bummer. And I know they will all support eachother.

I am feeling so strong as the day approaches. I have lost weight, taken tons of supplements, jumped on the mini trampoline, walked up hills, sent out armys of angels, visualized bright light showers and positive energy balls all around me, been pretty sober ( maybe a little weed )

got a new couch and recorded a bunch of movies for my recovery parlor.

I can only imagine it is going to be great and totally worth it.

Why eatprayroz

Trying to name a blog about the basic elements of my life and cancer is tricky. I wanted it to be kind of lighthearted but real and not jokey. So I was thinking about some names and Lori (my friend and agent) told me about a mutual friend Dave who has a blog about food and himself called "eatpraydave" and I thought it was so clever and great... then I saw Dave and he said his blog was actually called "eatdavelove".

I just put my name on the end of the misquoted one and I thought it summed up what my life is like these days... I am super focused on what I eat...( more on that later ) and I do a whole lot of conversing with God and my intuitive self and working on my beliefs and spiritual life... And it is kind of ridiculous too... Plus my mom laughed when I told her and Dave said it was OK...

So that is why.

Leilani came up with the only other one I like "somebody hates these cans" but I didn't want to use the word hate. And I don't know how many people remember that line from The Jerk.

save the date

Yesterday I had another appointment with Dr. Casseleth., we went over everything about the operation and set a date. I can't understand why but I am excited about it. March 21st it is...

There are a lot of different kinds of mastectomys to have. Mine is where they take everything out and take off the nipple (oh well) and then reposition a thin layer of muscle from just around the corner (latissimus dorsi muscle) and make a breast out of that plus a little silicone implant goes in too... they also take a lymph node to check it out. Then months later if I am not into having the implant, they reconstruct a nipple (which I am not so sure I want) and take out the implant and replace it with fat they lyposuction out from somewhere... take your pick.

I saw photos of breasts with reconstructed nipples and they look ok but not that great... the photos of reconstructed breasts without nipples look neat to me. They look futuristic. Then I can have a nipple tattooed on later, a really cool 1st tattoo I think.

Leilani is accompanying me to my pre-op appointment where I will have a blood test and EKG to prove I am fit for operating!

I feel like this train is on track and picking up speed.

xxoo

a brief history

So much has happened since my last blog... Welcome to my new one.

This is going to be me, keeping track of all the medical and physical and some of the emotional and spiritual events of my recent past and present. So first, a little history. Ignore if you already heard this part...

Sometime in 2007 I was diagnosed with DCIS... this is a little self contained cancer

in my left breast. I got a great Dr... Silverstein and he gave me a lumpectomy and a double breast reduction at the same time...and a less than 10% chance of recurrence. Seemed like a big deal at the time. April 2010 I was diagnosed DCIS with INVASIVE breast cancer. Shock, fear, disbelief. Dr Guerra, my breast surgeon recommended a mastectomy and possible chemotherapy/radiation. I wanted none of it.

I decided to do an alternative therapy called Balur in Jakarta... all the details are in my old blog

jakartaroz@blogspot.com

When I got back last summer I had a mammogram that showed no growth of said cancer which by the way is not exactly seeable or feelable... they call it an area of concern. there are tiny crystalizations they suspect to be the margins of the cancer but they can't really see.

So that was a good sign and so I went along for the last 6 months doing balur at home and trying to be healthy, changing my eating habits and started seeing an energy healer that clears old beliefs and trauma on many levels.

March 17 I had a mammogram that showed the area of concern had gotten bigger... not what we wanted to hear. So I have changed plans. My new plan involves a mastectomy with some reconstruction at the same time... I am seeing Dr. Uzzi Reiss, a gynecologist with a very sophisticated approach to causes/prevention of cancer and also anti-aging and some very cutting edge stuff. I have met with the plastic surgeon he recommended, Dr. Lisa Casselith, the surgeon she recommended, Dr. Leslie Memsic and am on a special diet and supplement protocol and that's the deal. I feel like this is my dream team, both the surgeons are super smart and funny and feel like they know exactly what to do...they have worked together so much they have a short hand when talking to each other... I am doing the energy healing stuff with Bo, I have Dr. Bonte, the holistic Dr. who backs everything up and is like a system of checks and balances, Dr. Jameson... the most helpful counselor ( shrink ) ever, Ann Boroch, naturopath and the most supportive family and friends anyone could have.

I feel very comfortable with my plan and am happy about the way everything is unfolding... a few days ago I was feeling scared and confused and having dark thoughts, this proves to have been a big challenge, but everything is working out so nicely and I trust my team and all of my decisions that the dark cloud has mostly fallen away.

There is a lot more to tell but this is just the beginning...